My Bloody Valentine, 1986. Bull And Gate, Kentish Town ?
Anónimo ha dicho: shit fan
hey i’m watching the game what more do you want
tfw you find out arsenal has a midweek game
tfw you find out it’s the competiton nobody cares about
This is a running theme I’ve noticed on BDSM blogs: they openly describe psychological coercion, without any apparent recognition that’s what they’re describing. Perhaps they don’t understand what coercion is. Perhaps they don’t care. Perhaps they’ve crafted a worldview where “consent” is the trophy, and coercion is simply the means of winning that trophy.
Regardless of their motivations, I want to draw some attention to this behavior, because it can be extremely pernicious. Pictures of bloodied/bruised women are obvious indications of how twisted and dangerous the BDSM world is, but coercion is often covert—to such an extent that it may escape notice at first glance. But make no mistake: coercion is dangerous, toxic, abusive, and a deep reflection of how BDSM practitioners (and especially doms) distort the concept of consent, while hypocritically claiming that ‘consent’ is paramount to their lifestyle.
Example One: ‘Dom with Pen’
This man hosts a BDSM “advice” blog, where he casually shares techniques on “how to manipulate women into being submissive.” He is married, older than the majority of the tumblr population, and generally grammatically correct, so his predatory nature may escape detection when there are so many violently degrading blogs on here. However—since he uses language to facilitate psychological coercion, and is *incredibly* calculating, he reeks of sociopathic tendencies. He confuses his own literacy with intelligence, and consistently treats people like pawns to be used for his own self-aggrandizement. Like all doms, he is a coward who *must* control other people to feel “big.” Bottom line: he is dangerous.
Here’s his description of how he initiated a BDSM relationship with his wife:
"I decided that a 24/7 D/s arrangement was what I really wanted…I tried to approach it verbally at first […] but girl was put off and freaked out. She didn’t want us to “change,” didn’t want things to be different. […] Thanks to some great advice from a friend (sgg), I essentially just moved forward without expressed boundaries.”
"Though she doesn’t care for this particular word now, she will soon. I wanted her to understand how good it feels, how free and loved and special it feels—to be my PROPERTY.”
His blog is filled with similar anecdotes—casually dropped lines about how his wife “doesn’t want to” do something, but how he’ll “make her” do it anyway. It’s important to note that the language is casual, since the tone is deliberately crafted to avoid drawing attention. It’s not loud, it’s not profane, it’s not overtly aggressive. But take a look at the quotes again. Look at what he’s saying.
"She didn’t want to. I did it anyway."
"She doesn’t like it. I’m going to do it anyway."
This man initiated a BDSM lifestyle by telling his wife he wants to dominate her, and she said no. Despite this—despite the fact that she openly expressed that she wasn’t interested—he completely disrespected her, ignored her boundary, and began implementing a BDSM lifestyle without her consent. He started setting rules to control her, then escalated to hitting her.
Like a true predator, he manipulated her and pressured her, making small changes to her life to see what he could “get away with,” before pushing it even further until he got exactly what he wanted.
This is not consent.
Let me say that again.
THIS IS **NOT** CONSENT.
This is the “frog in boiling water” scenario. If he’d immediately jumped to hitting her, she may have protested. She may have left him. She may have called him out for being the abusive fuck that he is. But instead, he gradually implemented changes *after* she was already legally committed to him, until her own boundaries and sense of self had shifted or dissolved. She is not a human being, to him. She is a toy to be manipulated. A “thing” for him to exploit.
It does not matter if this woman is staying in a relationship with him. It does not matter if she has her own psychological issues that include a willingness to be physically assaulted. It doesn’t matter how many times he insists she “wants it.” It doesn’t matter what details he actively emphasizes in his narratives to try to “dress things up,” while quickly skimming over (or completely omitting) her protests and disagreement. She said no from the start, that she didn’t want to practice BDSM—and he ignored it. The entire premise of their BDSM relationship is manipulation, gaslighting, and grooming.
I’ll revisit this subject later on with other examples, but for now I just want to drive this home: psychological coercion is one of the most dangerous tools that a predator has in his arsenal. It is how they lay the foundation for abuse, mistreatment, and control, often without detection, while convincing their victims that they’re “ok” with their own mistreatment. People like this man are attracted to vulnerability, exploit insecurity, and redraw the lines of their victims lives and identities, simply because they can. They are a poisonous menace. Without exception.
I’m reblogging this again because with all the current discussion about BDSM prompted by the 50 shades of shit trailer, I’ve seen a lot of people use the excuse that 50 shades is a bad example of BDSM again. And you know what? That’s just kinksters trying to save face. 50 shades is mild compared to the average shit I’ve seen from the kink community, shit you get told you aren’t allowed to criticize because that would be kinkshaming (GASP!) and you just can’t do that. That guy is flat out saying he wants to force his wife into a ”24/7” D/s relationship. add to this their fucked up concept of ”sub drop” (basically: if you’re depressed, have anxiety and are traumatized even weeks after a ”session?” the BDSM community has the answer: ”you know you wanted it.” ) and how they glorify and sexualize rape, misogyny and pedophilia and the kink community is rife with abusive fuckery that goes unquestioned until someone speaks out, then get ready for the ”it wasn’t ~*true BDSM~* excuse.
And let us just remember that domwithpen is someone who the tumblr kink community holds in high esteem and regard, someone who they look up to, when they use the phrase “true BDSM” they are talking about him, which is fucking hilarious and tl;dr i agree 100% with the above!
(Fuente: , vía alcindora)
glamour tips i have read that can also be applied to the loch ness monster:
- stay hydrated
- be elusive
- avoid a harsh flash
- try to get plenty of exercise
- play hard to get
- be aware of lighting
- elongate the neck
- eat plenty of fish
- grow old gracefully
- keep an air of mystery
- a true lady reveals nothing
Thelonious Monk || Monk’s Dream
Liv Tyler, photographed by Matthew Brookes for Glamour, July 2014.
in the process of adding ashly to my phone contacts. what name do i put her under? ashly? as if!!!